Here I sit and eat my lunch
The lettuce makes a lovely crunch
When on it I snack and munch
Thank God for salad - thanks a bunch!

I'm writing poetry today
It's not like me to be this way
I think my brain has gone astray
This isn't good - it's not okay.

But I'll go home and have a drink
Tune out my mind, try not to think
There I'll sit until I stink
And the sun comes up, all pink.

On Not Writing

I sit here all day staring at the computer. Why don't I write? Why don't I write? Why don't I write?

Maybe if I write "Why don't I write?" enough times, one day I will write. I wrote this morning, actually. Just not enough.

Why don't I ever like anything I write? Why isn't it good enough for me? Why do I think I have to like what I write? Why do I not just write stuff, put it "out there" and see what happens?

On Winter

Goddam it, it's just March. I'm depressed. We Torontonians sat there all of November, December, and January, waiting for winter to begin. Then in February, it started to get warm, and we thought, "Oh. Guess winter's cancelled this year. Guess they were right about global warming. Guess we'd better do something about it."

Then winter came. It's hard to really get serious about global warming when it's this fucking cold.

On Blogging

I've decided I don't give a shit about trying to be relevant on my blog. Why should I? No-one else does. Weird that all through my childhood I was the only kid I knew who kept a journal. Now everyone in the world keeps a journal, and they make them public too.

I've been told

... that I haven't updated this thing recently. Which is true. There is a technical reason for this. That is that I don't have internet at my house right now, I only check email during the week when I'm at work, which means if I'm gonna do any writing, it has to be done at work. And I have just not gotten into the habit of writing at work.

The person who told me I hadn't written recently is someone that I had no idea was reading my blog, and he found it through the Monster Theatre website, through which there is a link. So that got me thinking, maybe it's not just my friends who read this thing, maybe there are other people who have enough interest in what I say to continue to check it. Which means - damn, I'd better have something worthwhile to say here.

I know that this thing is partly just a way for me to keep the people I love but never see posted on my life without having to send mass emails which are problematic (see my post on mass emails below). But it hasn't been a very in depth account of my life, and it also hasn't been serving the wider purpose for which it was intended, ie, to be a place where I could expound upon the things that are in my head and see if anyone else is interested. Since obviously more people are interested than I originally thought, I am forced to reconsider what I do with this space.

Blogs are so commonplace that we don't think of them as holding much power. And in the global sense, they probably don't. As one individual writing one post, I have as much significance as one bee pollinating one flower. But when you think of all the bees pollinating all the flowers all over the world, they make a huge impact. And then there's that one bees' individual relationship with that one flower. To that flower, he is important. To the people who take the time to read what I write, if they have read this far down, what I say must have some relevance.

This is what happens when I start freely expounding on the things in my head. If anyone actually has read this far down, you're a more patient person than I. I promise future postings will be much less self-concious, it's just that the conversation I had last night really got me thinking about what it is that I'm doing here. Just cause anyone with access to the internet can have a blog and tell the world what they think, doesn't mean that one person's blog can't have weight and power.

Ba baaaa! This is the sound of settling!

For those of you unfamiliar with that lyric, it is in fact a lyric and not a sheep noise. It's from a song called, you guessed it - The Sound of Settling, and it accurately describes what I'm doing in Toronto these days.

Most of the stuff that I am having shipped from Calgary has arrived, which means it now looks like I actuallylive here - hooray. I have a stereo and books and a bathrobe and my own pillow - mmmm.

I have a job - yes, I have finally taken the plunge and gotten a job doing what most people do all day - nothing. Yes! I am now a receptionist! Aughhhhhhh!!!! It's really an adjustment, getting used to the idea that I know what I will be doing from Monday to Friday afternoons for the indefinite future. I haven't experienced this feeling since I was in school. But hey - I have a job that pays money. This is a good thing, in Toronto.

I also (almost) have an agent, which is an even better thing for an actor in Toronto. I'm meeting with one other person and then I think I'm gonna sign with BRB, which is a large and reputable agency and they're really nice there.

I enjoy walking in this city, and I enjoy the fact that there is always something to do. Of course, that means that there is also always something to spend money on, but I'm sure I'll get used to that and someday soon will stop dropping obscene amounts of cash on anything that plays music, makes you laugh, or gets you drunk.

For those of you who read this thing, I'm sorry I've been so bad about updates, but I'm sure I will get better now that I get paid to sit on my ass for 4 hours a day. Oh, and answer phones. Yes.

Home in Toronto!

Moved into the Ranch in Toronto. Vacuumed the stairs leading up to our apartment today, which were disgusting. I know there are a lot higher priorities, but I couldn't keep walking up those stairs past huge wads of hair every time I came home. So gross. Hired professional cleaners who came yesterday. The guy was wearing his grumpypants, muttering about not being used to opium dens and how could anyone live like this. Until I put on Ryan's Blues Mix for him. Then he started humming along, exlaiming at every new song, informing me of the artist and the date the track was recorded and when the singer had died and how. Then he said, "Anytime you need a cleaner again, call me." So, that was good. Anything to keep the guy happy.

My Crazy Life

Get this: I flew to Calgary from Vancouver on Monday. I fly back to Vancouver tomorrow, to do Jesus Christ: The Lost Years three more times. (Pick of the Fringe!! Held over!!) Then I fly back to Calgary on Sunday, pack up my stuff, then fly to Toronto Monday morning. I have a meeting Monday night for this project at CanStage that I got into. I'll explain what the hell it is when I know myself. Then on Wednesday I drive to Manitoulin Island to spend four days coming up with some clowny magic at my clown mentor's farm. Then back to Toronto on Oct. 2, then... I'll be looking for a job!! Woohoo!!!

It's ridiculous, but I'm glad to be so busy. I'm freakin' thrilled about moving to Toronto. I can't wait, I miss it so much. More later.

Oh My God, what have I been up to??!!???!!

What haven't I been up to? Blogging, that's what. I have spent the last two months in places where, if I had email access, it was for moments at a time, in between other people's lives and my insane schedule. I love that about my life though - it's either deadly quiet and slow, or action-packed and intense. I never half-live.

I'm currently on a brief break from the madness that is the Canadian Fringe Festival circuit. Finished playing JESUS CHRIST: The Lost Years to audiences in Toronto and Winnipeg. Reactions range from wildly enthusiastic to moderately appreciative. No-one has picketed our theatre or thrown eggs at us (so far). Perhaps the DaVinci Code has jaded everyone already. What's one more blasphemous little show after a huge blockbuster?

Now I'm back at my parent's home in Calgary, enjoying creature comforts again (like I was roughing it in Winnipeg), and resting up for the next leg of the tour - ie. Calgary, Edmonton and Vancouver. I am thanking the Lord (ie. Ryan Gladstone of Monster Theatre), that we didn't do the Saskatoon Fringe, so we could have this little vacation in between bouts of Fringey Madness.

If anyone's reading this in the Western region and wants to see a kick-ass show, check out www.monstertheatre.com for showtimes in your area. I play Jesus, Mary, Mary Magdalene, John the Baptist, Hindu goddess Kali, etc etc etc. It's fun.